


life's truth

by moltenvintagelacedress



Series: big ideas with little exploration [6]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Break Up, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21613891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moltenvintagelacedress/pseuds/moltenvintagelacedress
Summary: inspired by a notebook an old friend found at an estate sale
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Reader
Series: big ideas with little exploration [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1556848
Kudos: 2





	life's truth

_ life’s truth _

_ settled- comfort + security. _

_ do you know your deepest purpose? if you do, are you afraid to live it? _

You were unhappy. Dating an idol shouldn’t really be a completely bad thing. Nothing is never truly one half of a dichotomy or the other half; it is both, truly and utterly. But there was a difference with Jaehyun–it wasn’t as if he was changed, or if he was different. You firmly believed he was always just him, and everything around him changed. Maybe that was just hopeful thinking.

It had been two years since it all started. Originally, it was just supposed to be a fake dating scheme, simply to get both of you more noticed and more talked about. But it worked  _ too _ well and it turned real and now it was real and had been real but eventually, it turned into what it had been intended for originally.

_ desire to give deepest love w/o compromise. _

_ acting out a pretend life of comfort/security _

You did still love him. It never wavered how strongly you cared for him and respected him and wanted everything you fought tooth and nail for whenever it became More, but it was impossible to love a man who doesn’t even know what his heart wants. Because regardless of what you felt of him as a whole, as the person you  _ knew _ existed somewhere, the man you believed was still there somewhere, when you looked at him square in the face you saw nothing besides a facade and a lack of depth.

Jae turned into a shallow man. Not really for money or fame or material objects but for attention. He thrived on positive comments and his fans and the kind of tweets he would get in replies to his selfies. It morphed him, what he stood for. What he came here to do changed before he even knew what it was.

_ I am dying a slow death with all this mediocrity _ .

He was relying on that attention and nothing more. He never  _ tried  _ anymore, constantly relying on the success he got from being in SM, from NCT, and never tried to be more once it was all over. You were bored being unable to accomplish more with him. You were scared of being stagnant.

_ shallowness: ambiguity, purposelessness, lack of presence _ .

And he didn’t care about you anymore. It wasn’t clear if he was bored of you or sick of you or rather just knowing he could not give you what you wanted because he did not care.

_ trapped in belief i can make myself happy. _


End file.
